FLAT EARTH EISEGESIS

Let us first, speak to “Eisegesis.” Eisegesis, simply enough, is using the Bible to prove what you already believe or what you want to believe.

Let us start with an extremely exaggerated example:

Let us say that I am a devoted, loving and Christian parent. My beloved child, seemingly out of nowhere, commits suicide. I do not want to believe that my child would go to Hell. I simply must believe that suicide is good and that God approves. I go to my Bible and find that at least seven people in the Bible killed themselves. More than that, among them were Prophets, Kings and Disciples… I carefully compile my list:

  1. [Abimelech] called hastily unto the young man his armour-bearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died (Judges 9:54).
  1. And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed with all his might; and the house fell…upon all the people that were therein (Judges 16:30).
  1. Saul took a sword and fell on it (1 Sam. 31:4).
  1. When [Saul’s] armour-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died (1 Sam 31:5).
  1. When Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he…got him home to his house, to his city, and put his house in order, and hanged himself, and died (2 Sam. 17:23).
  1. It came to pass, when Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king’s house, and burnt the king’s house over him with fire, and died (1 Kings 16:18).
  1. [Judas] cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself (Matt. 27:5).

I am now certain that God approves of suicide. My beloved child is secure in God…. And, while I am still hurting, I decide that God would certainly want me to commit suicide so that I may be with my child…

That is eisegesis!

Let us go on to other things:

Let us say that, in my mind, I see God as a kindly Father. I read a verse that says that I can never be plucked from his hand. I like that and I start a Bible Study. While there are many verses on the subject, they are just about evenly divided between those that support Once Saved, Always Saved and those that speak to fear, trembling, being plucked from the vine and falling from grace.

I compile my lists… 20 verses supporting Eternal Security and 20 verses that speak to falling from Grace.

  • God is Good! I know that and so all of the verses that make God look like a good guy must be literal… Clearly, these verses mean what they say.
  • On the other hand, all of those verses that make God look like a bad guy, must be misquotes, mistranslations or simply false…
  • We all know, after all, that God, is a good guy!

Based on what I now “know,” I write a book and form a new denomination, built on the firm knowledge that, no matter what those mean and ugly verses might say, God would never cast away one of his children!

But what if I saw God as a mean and ugly judge? I would certainly take those same verses and declare that all of the verses that supported my view of God as a stern and awful Judge, were to be taken literally, while all of those verses that spoke of a kind and fatherly God who would show grace and mercy on his children, cannot possibly mean what they say…

Based on what I now “know,” I would certainly write a book and start a new denomination fixed on terror and the firm belief that the slightest infraction of the Law will bring down judgment, death and Hell.

FLAT EARTH

Please note: There is not one single verse, in all of Scripture, that informs us of the shape of the earth… Not even one. Not one verse says that it is flat. Not one verse says that it is a globe… Zero, Zilch, Nada.

On Flat Earth, I must start with an idea, a thought or a belief that comes from a source outside of Scripture… A book, a Facebook Post, a YouTube video or, in the beginning at least, the fertile imagination of one individual. Somehow, I come to believe that the earth must be flat. (For the vast majority of Modern “Flatearthers,” it came through Facebook or YouTube.)

Based on my belief that the earth must be flat, I follow the YouTube Guru or the Facebook Wizard to the Scriptures. There, he / she points out a handful of idioms, allegories and a little poetic language that, while none of it says the earth is flat, might seem to support the theory I so desperately want to believe. The fact that nearby verses speak to the skin on Job’s teeth and the pillars on which the foundations of the earth are firmly fixed be damned… Those things are obviously allegory but anything that backs up what I want to believe must, absolutely must be taken literally!

Now, armed with less than six passages which, while they do not say that the earth is flat, do seem to support what I want to believe, I make a video, go on Facebook, as an On-fire Evangelist for the Flat Earth Gospel! I am so very proud of my new found knowledge and this New Doctrine, that I leave Jesus in order to preach Flat Earth… After all, what is salvation if you can believe something that nobody else knows about yet?

And then come the Party-Poopers… They challenge your science and your theology, making you look like an idiot. If you have an Associate’s Degree in Dental Technology, certainly you can prove the scientists of the world wrong! If that doesn’t work, you can simply declare that all science is evil and scientists are of the Devil… That fixes it!

This is where Flatearthers divide into Clergy and Laity…

  • If you are a Dental Tech, a File Clerk at a College or some other kind of “Expert”, you become Clergy…
  • You write your own stuff,
  • you make your own YouTube channel and
  • start your own page on Facebook…

If no one follows you, not to worry:

  • you find the page of a non Flatearther and begin to preach your newfound religion in comments under their posts…
  • Do that often enough, and you will soon find yourself with your own following.

(This route is not suggested for those with less than a sixth-grade education.)

If you are not so educated as the YouTube Gurus or the Facebook Wizards, do not despair… There are thousands of Wizards and Gurus out there with posts to read and videos to watch… These poor people are in desperate need of followers… which is your purpose for existing…

If you do not know where to find your very own Wizard or Guru, follow the comments under my Facebook Posts… That is where they live…

David

PRAY THAT I AM WRONG!

If we get through 2017 and still live in a free country, I am going to be all over Facebook shouting, “I was wrong! Glory Hallelujah! Praise God! Thank you Jesus! I was WRONG!”

Someone was talking with me about taking a cruise to the Caribbean next year. With my mindset, I replied, “If they are still letting people leave the country by then.” My response was not appreciated.

I cannot help it… Knowing what I know, it is difficult to imagine a future that includes the things that we have taken as normal life. My dream of the future is bound up in strife, war, persecution and death. The good part of my future is bound up in dreams of Heaven and the Millennial Kingdom. I cannot imagine my grandchildren growing up and living successful, productive lives in a free America. No matter how hard I try, I cannot picture that.

I engage in small talk about the future and I listen to Christians laying out their plans for the future. I try hard to smile and answer with only the most banal of answers; “Uh-Huh” and other non-comital grunts. In my head, I am screaming, “It ain’t gonna happen!” I hate playing that game.

No one has ever prayed so hard that their vision of the future was wrong. I pray, I wish, I hope that I am wrong. If we get through 2017 and still live in a free country, I am going to be all over Facebook shouting, “I was wrong! Glory Hallelujah! Praise God! Thank you Jesus! I was WRONG!” I do not believe you will ever see those posts; I really don’t.

Please join with me in praying that I am wrong… but as you do so, please spend time building your relationship with Jesus Christ and preparing your heart, mind, body and soul for the worst.

  • If you build your dreams of the future around God, Heaven and the Millennial Kingdom, it will be much easier to face whatever happens in the meantime.
  • If you forsake all and take up your Cross now, there will be nothing for Satan to knock out from under you in the coming months and years.
  • If you renounce your citizenship, reject the pleasures of Babylon, and join the Kingdom of God now, it will be much easier on you the day Babylon burns.
  • If you are grounded in the Word of God now, it will be much harder for Satan to deceive you in the day of his appearing…

Revelation 13:7 And he was permitted to wage war against the saints and to conquer them. He was also given authority over every tribe, people, language, and nation.

BUT

Revelation 7:9 After this I looked, and there was a vast multitude from every nation, tribe, people, and language, which no one could number, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were robed in white with palm branches in their hands.

GET OUT OF BABYLON BEFORE IT BURNS!

David…