FLAT EARTH EISEGESIS

Let us first, speak to “Eisegesis.” Eisegesis, simply enough, is using the Bible to prove what you already believe or what you want to believe.

Let us start with an extremely exaggerated example:

Let us say that I am a devoted, loving and Christian parent. My beloved child, seemingly out of nowhere, commits suicide. I do not want to believe that my child would go to Hell. I simply must believe that suicide is good and that God approves. I go to my Bible and find that at least seven people in the Bible killed themselves. More than that, among them were Prophets, Kings and Disciples… I carefully compile my list:

  1. [Abimelech] called hastily unto the young man his armour-bearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died (Judges 9:54).
  1. And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed with all his might; and the house fell…upon all the people that were therein (Judges 16:30).
  1. Saul took a sword and fell on it (1 Sam. 31:4).
  1. When [Saul’s] armour-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died (1 Sam 31:5).
  1. When Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he…got him home to his house, to his city, and put his house in order, and hanged himself, and died (2 Sam. 17:23).
  1. It came to pass, when Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king’s house, and burnt the king’s house over him with fire, and died (1 Kings 16:18).
  1. [Judas] cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself (Matt. 27:5).

I am now certain that God approves of suicide. My beloved child is secure in God…. And, while I am still hurting, I decide that God would certainly want me to commit suicide so that I may be with my child…

That is eisegesis!

Let us go on to other things:

Let us say that, in my mind, I see God as a kindly Father. I read a verse that says that I can never be plucked from his hand. I like that and I start a Bible Study. While there are many verses on the subject, they are just about evenly divided between those that support Once Saved, Always Saved and those that speak to fear, trembling, being plucked from the vine and falling from grace.

I compile my lists… 20 verses supporting Eternal Security and 20 verses that speak to falling from Grace.

  • God is Good! I know that and so all of the verses that make God look like a good guy must be literal… Clearly, these verses mean what they say.
  • On the other hand, all of those verses that make God look like a bad guy, must be misquotes, mistranslations or simply false…
  • We all know, after all, that God, is a good guy!

Based on what I now “know,” I write a book and form a new denomination, built on the firm knowledge that, no matter what those mean and ugly verses might say, God would never cast away one of his children!

But what if I saw God as a mean and ugly judge? I would certainly take those same verses and declare that all of the verses that supported my view of God as a stern and awful Judge, were to be taken literally, while all of those verses that spoke of a kind and fatherly God who would show grace and mercy on his children, cannot possibly mean what they say…

Based on what I now “know,” I would certainly write a book and start a new denomination fixed on terror and the firm belief that the slightest infraction of the Law will bring down judgment, death and Hell.

FLAT EARTH

Please note: There is not one single verse, in all of Scripture, that informs us of the shape of the earth… Not even one. Not one verse says that it is flat. Not one verse says that it is a globe… Zero, Zilch, Nada.

On Flat Earth, I must start with an idea, a thought or a belief that comes from a source outside of Scripture… A book, a Facebook Post, a YouTube video or, in the beginning at least, the fertile imagination of one individual. Somehow, I come to believe that the earth must be flat. (For the vast majority of Modern “Flatearthers,” it came through Facebook or YouTube.)

Based on my belief that the earth must be flat, I follow the YouTube Guru or the Facebook Wizard to the Scriptures. There, he / she points out a handful of idioms, allegories and a little poetic language that, while none of it says the earth is flat, might seem to support the theory I so desperately want to believe. The fact that nearby verses speak to the skin on Job’s teeth and the pillars on which the foundations of the earth are firmly fixed be damned… Those things are obviously allegory but anything that backs up what I want to believe must, absolutely must be taken literally!

Now, armed with less than six passages which, while they do not say that the earth is flat, do seem to support what I want to believe, I make a video, go on Facebook, as an On-fire Evangelist for the Flat Earth Gospel! I am so very proud of my new found knowledge and this New Doctrine, that I leave Jesus in order to preach Flat Earth… After all, what is salvation if you can believe something that nobody else knows about yet?

And then come the Party-Poopers… They challenge your science and your theology, making you look like an idiot. If you have an Associate’s Degree in Dental Technology, certainly you can prove the scientists of the world wrong! If that doesn’t work, you can simply declare that all science is evil and scientists are of the Devil… That fixes it!

This is where Flatearthers divide into Clergy and Laity…

  • If you are a Dental Tech, a File Clerk at a College or some other kind of “Expert”, you become Clergy…
  • You write your own stuff,
  • you make your own YouTube channel and
  • start your own page on Facebook…

If no one follows you, not to worry:

  • you find the page of a non Flatearther and begin to preach your newfound religion in comments under their posts…
  • Do that often enough, and you will soon find yourself with your own following.

(This route is not suggested for those with less than a sixth-grade education.)

If you are not so educated as the YouTube Gurus or the Facebook Wizards, do not despair… There are thousands of Wizards and Gurus out there with posts to read and videos to watch… These poor people are in desperate need of followers… which is your purpose for existing…

If you do not know where to find your very own Wizard or Guru, follow the comments under my Facebook Posts… That is where they live…

David

Aliens and Foreigners

If you call “Father” the one who judges everyone impartially according to what they have done, you must live in reverent fear as long as you are strangers in a strange land.

Opinion: there are only two groups:

  1. The Kingdoms of this world, including the United States, all of which fall under the god of this world, who is Satan/Lucifer.
  2. The Kingdom of God, under the Lord Jesus Christ.

The two are diametrically opposed. If you are in the Kingdom of God, you find yourself living as a stranger, a foreigner and an alien, in the United States or in whichever country you find yourself.

If you identify as an “American”, “German” or whatever nationality your unsaved neighbors identify as, you may be saved but you have no clue as to the Kingdom of God. You cannot be of the world and be in the Kingdom of God at the same time…

You must choose.

1 Peter 1:17

 New International Version
Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear.

New Living Translation
And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time as “foreigners in the land.”

English Standard Version
And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile,

Berean Study Bible
Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives in reverent fear during your temporary stay on earth.

Berean Literal Bible
And if you call on as Father the One judging impartially according to the work of each, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your sojourn,

New American Standard Bible 
If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth;

King James Bible
And if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man’s work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear:

Holman Christian Standard Bible
And if you address as Father the One who judges impartially based on each one’s work, you are to conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your temporary residence.

International Standard Version
If you call “Father” the one who judges everyone impartially according to what they have done, you must live in reverent fear as long as you are strangers in a strange land.

David…